Finding pleasure in periods…
[An article that I wrote for Delvvy’s 100 Days of Sex Ed]
Pleasure is not the first word you would usually associate with periods.
Periods have long been shrouded in stigma and shame - being labelled as a ‘curse’ or ‘bad blood’ or ‘being poorly’... But what if having a better understanding of the menstrual cycle could actually improve your sex life?
Speaking to everyone - not just those of you who menstruate.
Sex is another word that has been mostly associated with penetration - and maybe that is a whole other conversation in itself - but if we can think about sex as a multi-layered experience that might involve elements of intimacy and sensuality or kink and fantasy but, most importantly, pleasure.
Pleasure can be found in the unlikeliest of places - regardless of whether it is partnered play or simply a little bit of solo time.
So how does pleasure relate to periods?
The clue is in the name - menstrual cycle…
People who menstruate have a monthly hormone cycle that can last anywhere between 21 - 35 days (on average). This means that, throughout this cycle, the fluctuations in hormones can impact every aspect of life including mood, energy levels, behaviour, self worth and… yep, you guessed it - sex drive and desire.
The first, and most important, rule is that every single body and every single person are different. Their cycle is going to be different. Their experience of every cycle is going to be different. Their sex drive and desire is going to be different.
There is not just a ‘one size fits all’ method that can be applied to this subject.
(You can see that as the fun part… because it requires experimentation!)
However - the hormone changes (unless they’re on hormonal contraception or perimenopausal - again, a whole other conversation) are going to be mostly similar. For example; once the bleed arrives, oestrogen starts to rise and will steadily increase towards ovulation - which is when you might start to notice an increase in libido and sex drive. It might create a more open-minded attitude towards exploring new things and there might also be less boundaries around what someone might do to feel sexually satisfied…
Whereas, in the premenstrual phase - as the person approaches their bleed again - there might be other factors impacting their desire for sexual intimacy. They might be more self critical and feel less confident, they might be feeling more drawn to tenderness and more gentle interactions, they might be more sensitive to pain and they might be less likely to want to explore things that they enjoyed in that first half of their cycle… But there is also a physical element too.
The cervix actually changes position throughout the cycle - moving lower down in the body, and becoming firmer, as the person approaches their period; and moving higher, and becoming softer, around ovulation. This might, for some people, mean that penetrative practices are less comfortable when the cervix is low.
The good news is that arousal can stimulate the cervix to move higher too - creating more space in the vaginal canal - so it really is worth taking your time with the foreplay…
I don’t know about you but this was never the type of stuff we got taught in school but is something I am personally convinced will have a (hopefully positive) impact on your pleasure practice both in and out of any sexual relationships.
For someone who menstruates, even just understanding your own body will be potentially life changing as you notice the subtle shifts throughout your cycle to be able to better give yourself what you want.
For someone who doesn’t menstruate - but has a partner who does - communication is key. Get to know their menstrual cycle, be intimate with it in the way that you want to be intimate with them and learn what they like and, more importantly, when they like it.
The most important thing is to figure out what works for you.
I hope you have the most pleasurable day.