Putting the MEN into Menstrual Cycle…

[Uploaded from Substack]

Menstrual cycles are not just for women - and not just because not everyone who menstruates is a woman.

There are men, and people who don’t menstruate, who need to know this stuff too.

I hear SO often from men that they think my work is not for them.

Why?

I’m pretty sure all men have women, or people who menstruate, in their lives in some way, shape or form. Therefore there is going to be an impact from their menstrual cycle influencing friendships, relationships, professional partnerships… EVEN if you don’t quite know it yet.

I spent a significant chunk of my last long term relationship being called a ‘psycho’ and feeling abnormal because of the hormonal fluctuations that dramatically affected my mood, behaviour and sex drive - but which I knew nothing about.

Now that I DO know about all of these things, it makes a lot more sense why women appear to be so misunderstood.

So where do we start?

Introducing men to the menstrual cycle is something I’ve been passionate about since the very start of my journey and which I quickly realised wasn’t going to be as easy as I first thought.

The problem is that we don’t know enough about our own bodies to be able to teach the men in our lives how to support us. How can we expect men to understand what we need if we don’t even really know ourselves?!

There is no ‘one size fits all’ model.

Every body is different.
Every experience is different.
Every cycle is different.

The important part simply comes down to knowing yourself.

I know myself well enough to be able to pinpoint how I’m going to be feeling down to almost an exact day within my cycle.

I know myself well enough to recognise when my hormones are starting to change and to understand why that might then be having an impact on my mood or my behaviour.

I know myself well enough to understand that my sex drive fluctuates alongside everything else throughout my cycle and that I don’t always have the same desires.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point - almost 4 years of tracking my cycle - with a lot of research and a lot of trial and error. BUT, because of this, I can now communicate that knowledge about myself to my partner, my friends, my colleagues, everyone in my life - so that they can also understand me just a little bit better.

So, as someone without a menstrual cycle, how can this work for you?

The million dollar question.

First thing’s first - you need to understand the cycle of the person who has one. Whether it’s your partner, your daughter, your sister or your work colleague - they will first of all need to be able to understand it for themselves.

Once you know what you’re working with, plan your interactions accordingly.

For example; if your partner is pre-menstrual, she is probably feeling very sensitive and potentially a little bit self critical - go easy on her. Help her to relax, look after her, give her reassurance and don’t ask too much of her.

If there’s something you want to discuss that has maybe been causing a little bit of conflict, choose a time in between her period and when she ovulates - she will likely be much more open to discussion and a lot less defensive.

The peak of ovulation is the best time to be getting out and about - take her on dates, go dancing, show her off - she will likely be looking (and probably feeling) her best.

As for sex… this is a reminder that sex does not have to equal penetration. Intimacy can be found in the smallest of gestures - a kiss on the neck, a rub of the shoulders, a playful squeeze of the bum. Desire and drive can change dramatically from one cycle phase to another which, if you don’t know what you’re working with, could create confusion, insecurity and potential dissatisfaction in the bedroom.

Communication is key.

First is the understanding of the cycle from both parties (regardless of whether or not you menstruate yourself) and secondly is the ability to speak about it openly.

Talk to each other. Often.

The reason I can’t shut up about it is because this work has literally changed my life.

It’s changed my romantic relationships, my friendships, my daily interactions with everyone in my life and, most importantly, my relationship with myself.

There is so much to say about this topic so watch this space because I have something exciting in the pipeline that I will be bringing your way SOON!