I still love you in real life…

[Uploaded from Substack]

I’ve just unfollowed you on Instagram.

This one isn’t necessarily about periods OR pleasure… but it is one that I really want to address.

Recently I unfollowed literally everybody from my business Instagram account.
My personal account has been deactivated for over a year now.

I’ve probably pissed some people off.

So let me explain myself…

Instagram (or any form of social media) is NOT real life.

Let me repeat myself - NOT REAL LIFE.

I was spending up to 3 hours a day on my Instagram relentlessly scrolling through over 1,000 people’s content - some of which I loved, some of which I really didn’t.

Why?

It made me feel less lonely? Maybe.

It gave me inspiration? Rarely.

I found out about cool events? Sometimes.

I compared myself to everyone and felt bad about it afterwards? Always.

To put it simply, I was addicted to it.

I was addicted to the dopamine rush it gives you that will ultimately convince you that staying attached to your screen is more beneficial than being out there in the real world.

I tried deleting my app.
It was too easy to reinstall it.

I tried setting a timer to restrict my use.
It was too easy to change it or remove it completely.

So unfollowing everyone was my last resort.

Don’t get me wrong - Instagram didn’t like it. It took me at least three days to get through removing everyone because it will only let you unfollow so many people at a time. It then restricted my use on the app by stopping me from liking people’s posts to punish me for removing myself from its mind prison.

But it worked.

It still tries to trick me into staying longer by using the data it has collected about me to show me reels of cute dogs and cosy woodland cabins…

But I spend less than 10 minutes a day on my Instagram app now.

I have slowly started following a VERY select few people whose content I really enjoy and who inspire me both in my business and as a person.

I think I follow less than 20 people right now… which is already starting to feel like too many.

So PLEASE don’t take it personally if I don’t follow you back.

It isn’t because I don’t love you.
It isn’t because I don’t care about what you’re doing.
It isn’t because I don’t support your business ventures.

It’s to protect myself.

But it’s also to force me back into the kind of social connection we USED to have before social media became the virtual alternative to our reality.

I’ve been speaking to a lot of my friends lately about the times we used to actually ask each other what we had been getting up to because it wasn’t just immediately available for everyone to see.

If we had been on holiday, we might take some time telling each other our stories, showing off some of our favourite photos and sharing some of the more intimate moments that just don’t translate across one photograph on an endlessly scrolling screen.

I realised that there are people in my life who I love and care about who I haven’t seen for YEARS - but we convince ourselves we’re seeing them regularly because they pop up on our social media feeds.

This isn’t the kind of connection I want in my life anymore.

I want the real kinds of connections.

The deep ones.

The ones where you share your entire soul with people who become your best friends because they know who you really are behind what they’re seeing on their screen.

I don’t want to have to ‘play the game’ for my work to be seen.

I don’t want to have to change who I am to ‘beat’ the algorithm.

I am who I am and that’s why I will be doing things differently.