Presence over presents
We have become completely disconnected - as a society - from each other, from nature and, even more worryingly, from ourselves.
A huge part of my cycle tracking journey has been learning to be more present with myself on the inside - as well as the outside. Really tuning into what’s going on for me in my body and my mind.
A huge part of why I unfollowed everyone on Instagram is because I realised that I was becoming even more disconnected from what was happening right in front of me. I was distracted with dopamine and algorithm trickery. I was fooled into believing that I was connected to the people on my phone when, in reality, I was sitting by myself scrolling through their pretending-to-be-perfect lives and comparing myself to an illusion.
When I first started my business, connection was one of my main goals and values for what I wanted to achieve from whatever I did. It looks a little bit different now than it did way back when but that is ultimately still the root driving force behind everything I do.
Connection is everything.
EVERYTHING.
I believe that it has to start with us. With yourself.
Knowing who you are and what you stand for - and then actually honouring that.
Standing up and shining as your bright, unique and beautiful self in your absolute overwhelming entirety.
If you’ve watched my TEDx talk, you’ll know that I have asked myself who I am on maybe more than one occasion… I delivered that talk still not really knowing who I am and I am still figuring that part out.
I have been so disconnected from my self for almost my entire life that it has taken me to the age of (nearly) 34 to finally start getting a grasp on it.
It’s time to take back control of my own life - and hopefully inspire you to take back control of yours.
Who told you to be a certain weight? To wear a certain colour? To use a certain brand of make up or perfume? To wear a certain designer brand of clothes?
Who told you to be less than you are? To stay silent? To stay small?
Who told you that you couldn’t do what you wanted to? That your dreams were too bag? That you wouldn’t amount to much?
Who the fuck do they think they are anyway?
They’re no more or less than you.
They’re simply human - as you are - with an opinion that you can either take or leave. Yet, we seem to put so much weight behind what other people think we should want.
Is it because we want to fit in? Find a sense of belonging?
A community…? A connection?
That’s where the contradiction lies.
In my own words:
‘What I didn’t realise is that I couldn’t fit in, if I wasn’t really being myself, because then it’s not ME that’s fitting in - it’s the version of me that I was pretending to be, which wasn’t really me at all…’
I recently watched The Life List - a new movie to land on Netflix - about a woman who, in a perhaps unfortunate series of events, ends up re-visiting her childhood dreams and embarking on a journey of self discovery.
Now I have written a LOT of lists over my life. I love a list. I have lists of lists. So I went on my own quest… to find the life list that I wrote in my own teenage years.
I didn’t call it that.
It simply says:
‘Before I die, I want to…’
There are 52 things on that list. My first ever bucket list.
Now I have what I call a ‘Now List’ with a whole lot more things on it than that.
What I found most interesting is that I’ve actually done quite a lot of the things on that original list in some way, shape or form. But there are some things on there that I look back at now and wonder who influenced my decision to write that there. I wonder whether those things on that list were really MY choices or whether they were generic things that I thought I should want - because everyone else did.
This morning, I re-wrote that list.
I created a new one - 40 things that I’d like to do before I turn 40, in 6 years time.
I chose things from ALL of those lists that I’ve made over my life to reflect what I really want for myself - right now, today, in this moment.
Now 6 years is a long time. I have no doubt that I will probably change my mind again in that time. I might want to do different things by the time 2031 rolls around and I can almost guarantee that there will always be more that I want to do!
The point I’m making is that it doesn’t have to be that rigid.
Life is fluid and flexible. So why aren’t we?
If we stick so definitively to a list we made probably 20 years ago, where is the opportunity for growth and change and something to fall in that you might never have even been able to dream of?
If we don’t constantly tune back in to ourselves and ask if these are things that we really want, do we then just spend our entire lives striving towards somebody else’s dream? Living somebody else’s story?
I try really hard now to make an active choice every single day, with every single decision I make, to really ask myself whether it’s me that is making that choice. Or whether it’s for somebody else’s benefit…
I am writing my own story because, for the longest time, the story I was writing wasn’t mine.
Becoming present with not only my body, my mood and my menstrual cycle but with nature, the seasons, the weather and the people around me has literally changed my life.
If you know anything about love languages, you might have already guessed that quality time trumps receiving gifts for me every single time but presence is a gift that we simply can’t afford to lose.