Sometimes I just want to be kissed passionately…

I’m writing this on Day 12 of my menstrual cycle so I am VERY close to ovulation… meaning I’m high in estrogen and, let’s face it, horny.

BUT

I’ve been having lots of conversations with my friends lately about pleasure and periods - because what I want very much varies depending on where I am in my cycle and understanding this about myself has literally changed my life in relation to my body, my relationships and sex.

I was very late in jumping on the Bridgerton bandwagon but it’s fair to say that is very much my kind of smut. Combine that with Dan Edgar’s masquerade theme Dancing on Ice routine and the fantasies have been flowing…

But what gets me going now - when my body is literally making me more attractive to prospective partners and when I’m wanting to be social and seen - is very different to what I might want when I’m premenstrual or bleeding.

Sometimes I just want to be kissed passionately.
Sometimes I want to be romanced.
Sometimes I just want to be teased.
Sometimes I want to be penetrated.
Sometimes I just want a finger in my pussy.
Sometimes I want nothing more than to fantasise about what I might only ever want in my thoughts.

I know myself well enough to tune into my body and really understand what it is that I want and when.

Why is this something we aren’t all learning?!

Or the fact that the cervix is lower when you’re closer to bleeding so penetration might not actually be as comfortable around that time.

Or that the cervix actually moves upwards when the person is suitably aroused to create more space…

Or even the fact that the vaginal canal is, on average, actually less than 4 inches deep and yet we are still making 7+ inch dildos and seeing men competing over (and feeling anxious about) the size of their cock.

There is still a HUGE orgasm gap between men and women in heterosexual relationships and it has been proven that women are more likely to orgasm when having sex with another women than with a man. I think that this mostly comes down to the fact that there is often so much focus on penetration when there is SO much more fun to be had…

I re-posted something that was shared by Dr Laurie Mintz the other day which said:

‘when straight guys ask how lesbian sex works I feel really bad for their girlfriends because if you don’t understand how to have sex with a girl in any way other than repeatedly putting your dick in her you are having some really bad sex’

That sums it up pretty well.

But I think it is our fault too.

If we don’t understand what we want for ourselves, how can we expect our partners to know?

If we are not communicating those needs to our partners, how can we expect things to change?

If what we want changes throughout every single menstrual month but we aren’t even aware of it, is it any wonder that our sex life is being sacrificed?

There isn’t a one size fits all approach.

Everyone is different and that’s why it is even more important for every single person to learn about their OWN body for themselves.

What I’ve learned is that I don’t always want the same kind of sex and now that I know that about myself and can communicate it with my partner, it has massively improved our relationship - and, subsequently, our sex life.